Snowflakes

A bluebird flew.. 
More bluebirds followed..  
And another. 

Swings, slides and merry go rounds creaked, 
Empty playgrounds called their little friends to come play, 
As none came but the chilling wind, 
Blowing leaves in mornings bleak.  

So the bluebirds flew, 
Bluebirds flew South, 
And another.. 

She was kind to kids, 
He was overwhelmed by their chatter, 
She'd swing em around in her arms, 
He'd give em rides on his back all day. 
They weren't there either, 
Cause they came for the children,
Who were away on vacation, 

Above the bluebirds flew, 
Invisible against the sky, 
And another... 

Snowflakes fell, scant and slow, 
Trees became whiter and sun shone brighter, 
Parks were deserted, no school buses were seen, 
Nor an ice-cream truck in sight, only a white hazy sheen, 
For December had arrived and in its wake the people had fled, 
To beaches in tropics and islands alike.. 

Where the bluebirds flew, 
The bluebirds flew there to, 
And another.. 

It wasn't chance, it was merely unfair, 
Which is why it was this way, 
They didn't go to church, But merely walked in arms, 
Never praying but forever wishing, for a little luck to come their way, 

Bluebirds afar flew, 
Bluebirds flew to lands far away, 
And another... 

Soon the earth spun, and seasons changed, 
The parks they filled, the buses they plied, 
Running all over the city, for ice-cream they once again cried, 
All came back that evening in the park,  all but one, 
Their favorite one.. 

Bluebirds chirped, 
Back North the bluebirds returned,
And another.. 

Wondering what had happened, 
They rushed to find out, 
Tried her place, it was locked, 
Couldn't find her at school nor in parks,
The Cityhall and even the church they tried
A tiny red haired girl, nowhere they could find, 
And then they got the news, 
Her parents had been lost at sea,
Leaving the little one all alone behind, 

The Bluebirds flew in circles, 
Them Bluebirds couldn't fly, 
But another.. 

How'd the earth spun, they never did realize,
Oceans in their aftermath had left something behind,
A wish for them, closure of a kind,
But a bus came, for a foster home that night, 
He only got the news the next morning, 
All day next and the night thereafter she cried, 

The Bluebirds swayed in the winds, 
Braced the gust the bluebirds did, 
Another tried... 

For it showed them a way, twisted although it was, 
They'd get their wish, something they never had, 
A child of their own and guardians for the poor child, 
Solace for all, but yet the world argued, 
Morality, fate and blasphemy they called it, 
The Other Bluebird simply called it divine. 

And so the Bluebirds fly, 
Bluebirds seen flying by,
Yes, another..

Leaky sands of a broken hourglass

No place for forgiveness in a world that knows justice,
The Saints be lost in a sea of numbers,
In leaking sands of a broken hourglass.

If only,
They knew, to know the why,
Backs turned and heads bowed,
Each firefly caught,
A masked revenge,
An inward storm avowed,

Lessons in time,
Given no thought,
Moving onwards ,
A cadence fought,

The only pain remained in hurt and hunger,
Smiles be woven, wrapped in leaves,
None won the war, brothers just the same
Lost in fiction be those who lost,

To decency, pledged
When all our hearts,
Stirred a pot,
And rose a better lot,

The Saints be found, in homes abounds,
The world was fair, in a century too far,
Eons went by, for the cosmic dream to come around,

No place for forgiveness in a world that knows justice,
The Saints be lost in a sea of numbers,
Split of a second it took to spun,
Why the when? The heart wonders.
Only in Leaky sands of a broken hourglass...

Ground beneath your feet.

Sometimes,
The waves are so silent, only white tips are seen,
The moon is a lighthouse, and amidst the fog,
The man is alone except, yes!! Ah, there's a dog;

But..
Time, time is removed from the equation,
And space, the sense of space is just.... Just Lost!!

To even gulp down, that inexplicable omnipresence, to even breathe,
Feels like a sin, like betrayal,

And in that picturesque, she rises.. Like a piece puckered from heavens,
In your mind, her face,
Expressionless, her eyes,
Infinite,             

and there....

Like dew on a fresh leaf, leaks a tear drop, rolling into a mudball,
Just as they give away, and them knees hit the sand..

A memoria, a reminiscence, of her touch..
As if pixie dust brought a message, travelling through a whole universe,
Which he.. I..  I almost got, or.. almost missed!!

Choking.. Smiling at not knowing..
Reality from love, imagination from hurt.
The defiance in me, the innocence in her!!

She

She saw..
The greed for peace, unsated forever,
The need for love, unabated however,
Emptying vast emptiness & hollow hollows,
She saw in me..

I write, you paint, they sing,
She..
She cried,
Sat there, with me in her eyes,
She cries..

She told..
Tol' me of the hollow hollows,
She had to tell..
A piece of my heart,
She had to take..
To make it right,
she took the left..
Kissed my fingertips,
she cried and left;
Left a hole in me, where her tears fell..

She left.. and..
The Greed for Peace, abated forever,
The Need for Love, unsated.. still... however..

deep deep inside...

inside of me there is a cry no1 hears,
inside of me there is a guy that i must fear;
deep deep inside there is shout for help, every now and then it pips,
deep deep inside it hurts but dies down till it reaches my lips;

its a barren land inside of me, all dry and creep,


a place where the trees have no leaves and the animals all weep;
the sun never rises, the moon is nowhere to be seen,
the rugged land and roads give it a mighty blinding sheen;
its the only source of light i've ever had,
the hope i derive from it, is all hollow and sad;
my soul wanders to its depths to seek company but in dismay,
every road i walked, every sea i swam but its all dark and gray;
where is it that the sun has gone, is the moon on a holiday..
its a barren land inside of me and all i have to say.....

inside of me there is a cry no1 hears,
inside of me there is a guy that i must fear;
deep deep inside there is shout for help, ever now and then it pips,
deep deep inside it hurts but dies down till it reaches my lips;

my spirit wanders in search, but its got no spirit left,
i'm tryin to resurface and i must count on every breath;
the vultures of fear await my death and sit in their perch n wait,
the bird of prey is hungry and it looks like m already too late;
is it time for me to let go, is it the time for me to fall,
i feel like crumbling but till my end i will slowly crawl;
the past is clouding and the future is lost in a mist,
my last goodbye to all must be a beautiful gift;
i don want people cryin, i doubt they even will,
the vulture i will call upon to save my burial bill;
nither do i belive in god, nor i ever did,
but the life wasn't worth livin, it was a sea so turbid;
so i dont pray to god to set my soul free,
oh lord let it wander, let my memory live, let all remember me;
there was a lot to be done, a lot to be conveyed,
i tried all my life, the voice got buried in a silence so widespread;
there were some thoughts in me, some heard and some said,
all i did was to shriek n wallow till i dropped dead....

inside of me there is a cry no1 hears,
inside of me there is a guy that i must fear;
deep deep inside there is shout for help, ever now and then it pips,
deep deep inside it hurts but dies down till it reaches my lips;

i was boy in a man's world, i was weak among strong foes,
i was dreamer in the land of reality and here the truth goes......

i was wrapped up
i was strapped up
i was blocked out i was closed,
i was mistaken
i was broken
i was shakin, out to the island i was rowed,
i was taken
i was tried
with a million charges i was blamed,
i was tortured
i was questioned
i was mimed and i was lamed,

here i lie now, my lord before you, a million queries now u'l ask,
here i see now in your eyes, you're to tired now, its the final task;
so i wont say what you dont ask, i will give you what you want,
before i close my eyes the last time, i will tell what you'll grant;
i am guilty, the charges accepted, kill this bastard, set him free,
dont you hang me, dont you bury me, dont you lay your hands on me,
the vulture's waiting, my energy oozes, i accept it arms widespread,
you cannot kill me, m immortal, you cant kill who's already dead...
the vulture's waiting, my energy oozes, i accept it arms widespread,
you cannot kill me, m immortal, you cant kill who's already dead...

Acceptance of “The Truth”

What is “the Truth”? Is it what we believe it to be or is there an absolute undeniable fact in this world which is not negated by the strongest of arguments mankind has to offer? Is it a mere human fantasy, a man’s whim to satisfy his ego or is it an utter sturdy word written in stone; indefinable, incomprehensible by mortal beings? Is it an esoteric or arcane knowledge that we do not or are not suppose to have? “The Truth” as it might be put it is nothing but things we cannot understand… it is the scientific mysteries we are yet to untangle. God or Nature might be better suited synonyms for the above definitions because whatever homo-sapiens do they will always find ways to revere the powerful and despise the weak. A conclusion which might be drawn from this line of reasoning is that God is the truth; but a more appropriate way of putting this is the line written on the tombstone of a Mahatma: Truth is God.


That is correct, it is always the other way around, just as the Mahatma quoted: truth in actions, truth in words, truth in thoughts and the truth in human emotions is the only path to salvation, slithering us continually but slowly towards God. This brings us to the original quest: what is “The Truth”? Can we ever understand ‘The Truth” in its totality? The answer is no as “The Truth” is hard to accept, and this becomes the defining moment of “The Truth”. Let me put it this way- whatever we find difficult to swallow, we gulp and hence making it difficult for the stomach to digest and most of its contents end up being eventually rejected by our intestine. Therefore whatever mankind cannot accept in its fundamental form or cannot bend to suit his own desires and defend his own actions is the unquestionable truth.


The ultimate realities are the hardest and pass by as indubitable truths viz. birth, existence and death. At times we all do wonder whether or not can we control these parameters but control in itself is a delusion and it is in pursuit of this daydream that we are always entangled. The largest researches in today’s world are rooted to finding the raison d'être for our existence. The biggest developments are made in field of cloning: an attempt to synthetically imitate birth. The heaviest funding is currently going to the project intended to comprehend the nascence of the universe and the most covert race is rooted in finding alternative habitat for the human life form, which we must admit is a direct consequence of the utter disregard of man for nurturing this planet’s resources and his convenient ignorance of the harm his activities have done to his home. The most outstanding development in life sciences will be the magical potion to stop aging; cheat death - the biggest fear of all humanity. But the one most irrefutable truth is that time moves on and waits for no one and therefore time also remains the most coveted of all scientific control fantasies. Controlling time and moving through space; defining matter’s most basic form and the knowledge of the extent of the universe; prophesize the future and go back in time to undo your mistakes are the few favorites of science fiction movie makers. So isn’t it ironic that what we can never be Au Fait with or whatever is not in human grasp is what we venerate the most and hold in the highest regard. Therefore “The Truth” remains a mystery because all we try to accomplish is have a handle on it whereas the truth only lingers to be accepted and thus bring us true peace. The crux here is to recognize what all we have and what all we don’t; thus be contented and at harmony with all that is around us. Individuality is only defined by duality. One is only comparable to many and if there are no others then ‘the one’ loses its identity. We are all one big whole and yet individually connected so instead of asking how we might as well live with it and make our stay worthwhile. The most magnificently noteworthy askance would be: “Oh Lord, give us strength to alter what is in our capacity to change; tolerance to be at harmony with what we cannot alter and intellect to tell apart what we can and what we cannot change.”


Contrarily what mankind is actually out to do is conquer everything and be the master of all that its senses can map to its brain. Standing at the apex of the food chain, man feels all pride and no humility and still yearns for more: more of comfort, more of affection, more of care, more of respect, more of power and more of control; all synonyms of one little word- “illusion”. He forgets the fundamental crucial emotion- compassion. Compassion towards one and all, compassion in life is to live life truly and do justice to every moment and all around you. Compassion begets compassion spreading the silent word out that now is the time, here is the place and mere existence is the purpose to enjoy, relish and savor the company of the world around you and spread the cheer. We cannot reason the existence of men but ensure that there are others to experience this would open a myriad of unexplored avenues for us to walk through and who knows find what joy or what sorrow. All life is picturesque when you open all your senses to the world, close your minds and let flow the energy through your heart instead of attempting to locate a source and a sink for all its forms. Let us all glance back into our lives to recall when and where we faltered, and what all times we would like to live all over again. They would be the times when your heads were in a cloud as your hearts and minds battled the next step and the sole roadblock to be overcome was the acceptance of the situation without fear, which would have brightly lit the right path for you at that time. Only the most fearless and chaste of souls would live their lives the same way all over again, as they would have accepted the circumstances as they were, therefore looking at them without any fear or prejudice would have made the right decision. True belief in God is nothing but acceptance of the supreme power, the power of many and all coming together to make a singular immense one which is also called sheer faith. Actual worship is not praying to the mighty power outside of us, instead it is recognizing that inside of us is what makes that power so mighty and accepting it as undeniable, irrefutable, indubitable “Truth” and that is all that needs to be done.

for the gods to read and humans to construe

When the idea of penning down this document came to my mind, it was at first just to give my vague ideas a coherent form. As my ideas began stepping onto a wider horizon, I realized it was time to share them with ‘the world around me’ (as you will understand after reading the lines to come). What God is, was or whatever it will be defined as, in the remainder of this life of mine is, has and will be an object of great interest to my ever so curious mind. Reading many articles in newspapers, journals, novels and many peculiar spiritual books; and hearing to what I sadly considered in my childhood as ‘ravings’ of my Dadi and arguments of my mother, is what has formed this so debatable and abstract piece of manuscript.

At times like my birthdays( please don’t think that I have many of them, though many would have meant devouring more cakes) my ever so religious grandma made me pray in front of numerous statues kept in the small indoor temple at my place and later give alms to the poor, seated in front of the local temple. I used to dislike being forced to do so, except the alms part, and used to question her objectives. Later I learned its better not to do so as the usual chant about Bhagwanji used to follow. Added to it used to be a counter question as to why I was so reluctant and unwilling when it comes to the simple task of going to the temple, bowing down to the various idols, and name my wishes to the lord, which was mostly languor. As I grew up she intoned that I visit the temple every Tuesday and pay homage to Hanumanji. I had also by that time gained so much prudence that each time this used to happen, a small voice in my head used to remind me “don’t argue with her’. I did not believe in asking anything from a higher power, so I just used to recite the Gayatri Mantra to which I later added another Sanskrit verse ‘sarve bhavantu sukhina..’ meaning ‘let there be happiness all around me’ which is my standard prayer till date.

Getting my ever so strong views in these, or if better stated against these, religious proceedings through to my grandma was an uphill task, so my mother used to bear the brunt of my debating powers at that tender age of 10. This entire long story goes to say that I was a certified and attested atheist who was forced to fulfil all rituals of Hindu Sanatan Dharma without truly believing in them. My mother’s line of reasoning used to be that ‘just do it for Dadi’s sake and you will one day have to believe in a superpower like it or not if you have to ‘live’ your life’. And today after almost completing 20 years of my accident prone life (referred to as bad fate), when I look back and ponder upon each event of this so insipid existence of mine I find that such a strong belief of my parents, grandparents, not to mention my overtly religious maternal Jain grandmother might not just be baseless. In recent times I have come to believe that a higher power exists, over which our control is, but limited. But then again being a science student and the intricacies of this universe throwing a zillion questions at me, against my notion, I find my side of the debate losing out to the strong arguments, loaded with logical interjections of the scientific community.

So I came up with a self-designed, self-assured ’Definition of God’. Readers are warned neither to take this too seriously nor too absurdly but just as food for thought. I have started to feel that the right way to spell God might be G A W D standing for something Greatly Awed. I’d define God as a mighty power, just as every other religion does, but on different lines. Gawd as per me can be considered as energy. Energy in all its various forms, spread like sweet smelling ether in a closed room. The difference being that you cannot smell (or see or hear or touch) it but just feel it, not through your skin but with the help of your inner self. Talking about Inner Self what we define as soul might just be a small portion of that vast amount of energy that only responds to its mightier counterpart and therefore is only sensitive to Gawd. Just as we have A and A’ (A compliment) in Set mathematics, I now dare to go on to define (energy in) every single living or non-living entity as A and (energy of) the rest of the world (for that entity) as A’ or the mightier power or GAWD. It simply means that to you the world around you or external to you may be considered Gawd for you. The above statements would bring a myriad of questions to your mind but just think for a second and say STOP. Does the mind stop? Does it actually come to a standstill? Does it really listen to you? If your blood supplies energy to your brain for proper functioning then why does it still wander? Strange!!! Does the brain really control the functioning of the brain? Why are people declared ‘no more’ only when they are medically brain dead, and still, why many I repeat thousands across this globe have made their journey back to the alive state travelling through what they define as a divine experience? Yes most of you may be thinking rightly, I am referring to NDEs i.e. Near Death Experiences. The experience of a person while he was K.O. in an operation, coming back to consciousness and describing the proceedings from a third person’s view. The encounters of many proclaimed dead, of seeing light, telling them to go back as it was not their time and in that light seeing a vague silhouette of whatever form of God they worshiped and returning back to the mortal state. Some see Jesus, some see Krishna, some see Om, some see Guru Gobind Singhji, and some see Allah and other various reminiscences. My friends, would you agree if I were to state that all our senses and motions are controlled by this one energy or soul within us? Take for example that at times you can feel a person staring at you without him being in your view. That vision is not through our eyes but through the soul. It means that if that energy form were to become external to us for some time and then come back into our body we will not die. We would die if that internal energy source leaves the material body and joins the external source. It is this energy that controls all body functions. How about the notion that impairment in one of these senses is compensated by extraordinary working of the others? My friends the soul doesn’t get impaired, it goes on. The Self, like energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. The Self is what defines a person’s destiny. It is indeed that ‘world around you’ that affects your actions and is considered high, mighty and divine God. Any smallest of smallest change in the energy equation of the external world, anywhere in any corner would bring about an infinitesimally small change in your actions too. If one can bring out the self to the upfront and realize its powers, we can use them for good. It is referred to in the Hindu mythology as ‘Kundali Jagrit Karna’. Isn’t that all what meditation is all about, bring peace and supreme control over one’s mind and senses to lead a healthy life. Ever wondered about the tales of primitive yogis travelling in space time implementing the modern term for the same: tele-portation? We could easily fit that in this theory as they would then be doing nothing but just disintegrating the matter in them, converting it into the energy forms of their surroundings and then integrating it at their destination. It would be coherent travel of the material body and The Soul through countless energy transformations. The Chinese concept of flying by making oneself feather-light or hitting their enemies with air cutting force would just mean interaction of the internal and external energies to yield the desired results.

Let me try and explain likes and dislikes, love and hatred, emotions by means of this fuzzy perception of mine. Here the theory of Aura comes in. Aura is a scientifically observed and accepted concept. All animate and inanimate matter has an atomic structure in which electrons and protons are in constant motion. This motion creates an energy field around the body which has electrical and magnetic vibrations which is referred to as the aura. It is an integral part of the body. It is just the external representations of the energy inside your body and may be considered as the strength of your soul. It is strengthened by the good deeds and knowledge you gain during your lifetime and it may be weakened by the ill-deeds or your misconduct. If an act of yours is liked by others, it initiates healthy vibrations in the other person’s Aura and gives it an added power and the same may be said for the dislikes. If yours and some other body else’s Aura has a similar form you like the person at first sight and if there is a mismatch there is friction or dislike between the two bodies. Love at first sight can just be put as a strong likeliness between the Auras or very analogous vibrations of the internal energy. Aura can be seen and its 7 colours be observed with sustained patience and practice. The colours represent 7 layers of the Aura and are defined in Hindu religious texts. Take for example the Auras of great souls like Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Sai Baba, etc. It is said that the Aura of Buddha existed for miles and its intensity such that it attracted pilgrims and worshippers from far off lands. It was their enlightened souls that had such vigour that it was clearly visible. This is also clearly visible in the ancient Hindu pictures and idols of Gods where they were surrounded by a halo. The Aura, my friends, is actually oval and surrounds the whole body. The healing powers of the above mentioned messengers of God were just an interfacing of their energies with those of the needy and they were healed by repair of their impaired souls.

Let’s take the latest string theory into consideration The String theory, which explained in layman’s language, states that all matter and energy in the world is made up of strings (waves) consisting of varying energy. Taking this to be true we are all sub-strings (wavelets) and it is our interaction and intermixing of these energies that creates the rigmarole of events and happenings that we go through or which the universe experiences. Let’s go by the old theory that says world came into existence by four magical words uttered by God himself: “LET THERE BE LIGHT!” Doesn’t that sound like matter out of nowhere, or was it conversion of energy to matter? Isn’t The Big Bang all about a big huge ball of energy, exploding itself into minuscule smaller forms? Does the theory of evolution find space here by stating that the energies just got a better home in each of the evolving life forms, refining them to the highest evolved form of today: us humans?

True, I leave you all with questions as answers, that too just for a finger count of your own questions; but this all the scope of this article and my intellect permit. I further believe that looking inwards and asking your Self the remainder of your queries would certainly yield answers to many of them. But then again my Self tells me that if all questions are answered and the truth is dawned upon us, we will find true Godliness that day; and I am sure that we are not meant to make it to The Doomsday.